Time for Spring Cleaning: For your Thinking
In the middle of March we all assumed that spring would come early! Skiing/snowboarding was limited and it looked like the warmth of spring was around the corner. I even saw some people out raking their yards. Then the snow began… further delaying the warmth of spring. Finally, spring is starting to arrive and with it our thoughts turn to the inevitable spring clean up; time to get rid of extra leaves, branches, and the accumulation of winter to allow new growth to appear. There is nothing like the resurrection of spring to bring about new life and the hope of new beginnings.
As we think about the joys of spring, perhaps take a minute to think about doing a personal clean up by beginning to clean up your thinking to allow for growth and creativity. Here are a few suggestions:
- Challenge your conclusion that you are a victim and contribute nothing to the problems in your relationships. It is so easy to blame others, and assume that our partners and family members are the cause of our problems, without taking any personal responsibility. As a result, it is easy to forget the most important rule of relationships: the only person you can change is you. If this rule is not practiced, it is easy to be left feeling helpless and victimized which can lead to depression and hopelessness, not to mention an absence of relational satisfaction.
- Challenge your tendency to fall into black and white thinking. Nothing is black and white. As I pointed out in a previous newsletter, at best, you are partly right! Too often when we get anxious everything becomes black and white. People are either good or bad and interactionally we come to extreme conclusions. We conclude our partner is intentionally attempting to hurt or frustrate us as opposed to understanding there are many options for understanding events. Move toward complexity as opposed to assuming you fully understand the motivations of the people in your life.
- Challenge your tendency to catastrophize. This is the tendency to make events far too big and more painful than need be. Learn to distinguish between irritants and real catastrophes. A helpful suggestion is to learn to scale: on a scale of 1-10, how large is this issue in reality? Very few things merit a 10, which of course, would be a catastrophe. Most things turn out to be irritants.
- Challenge how much time you spend mindlessly on social media and in front of the TV, to make room for the growth of new ideas. Doom scrolling through social media, endless watching of 24 hour news, or binge watching TV represent the accumulation of debris that blocks new growth and creativity.
Use the metaphor of spring clean up to begin to explore how your thinking may be blocking your growth both individually and relationally. “Cleaning up” your thinking may allow for new growth possibilities and healthier relationships.
